Entertainment Tuesday #7

I have two songs for you ET today. The first song is Holding Out For a Hero by Ella Mae Bowen and I first heard it when the remake of Footloose came out a few years ago. I remember I would play it constantly when I would go for walks or bike rides in the middle of the night, thinking of the one I loved at the time. It's such a beautiful song, both lyrically and melodically. I remembered it a few days ago and I haven't stopped playing it since. I love this song so much and honestly, it brings back so many memories, it can bring me close to tears and I love songs like that. I love songs that can evoke so much emotion in a person. Check it out believe and feel the feels. <3

The second song I have for you is the newest song, Falling Apart by a wonderful YouTube musician, Trisha Writes Music. Her lyrics are so honest and I think it is extremely brave to put your heart and soul into a song and then put it out there to help people. She is an amazing girl, I have spoken to her several times and I know that she means every word in her songs. Falling Apart made me cry because it's so real and it's a song of hope, a reminder that things do get better. I love Trisha and her music and I can't wait to see how she continues to grow as a person and musician. <3

The Highlights #6

I do apologize I have yet another post a day late! Please be gentle, I'm still getting used to have a blogging schedule. LOL Last week, was a hard week, but a blessed week. I found myself struggling with both my addiction program and my eating disorder program, but both of the women who mentor me in either program were so incredibly understanding and encouraging. They're guiding me in my recovery day by day and I couldn't be more grateful for these incredible women in my life.

I'm also very grateful for my mom and my best friend, Dalton because early in the week, I took a big blow to my self-esteem, which already isn't very high as it is. They were both very supportive and comforting and reminded me that I can change my life and they believe me which is always a comfort.

I spent some time with my friend Nala as well who I adore! She is the cutest person ever and so knowledgeable about all things beauty! We took some photos for her new blog, makeupbynala.com, and I've got to say the photos turned out beautifully! That's mainly down to Nala's makeup skills, but I'll give myself a pat on the back as well for having a tiny bit of a photographic eye. LOL

Overall, a week that I can only be grateful for. I hope you're all well! xx

The Highlights #3

Besides both my parents and I being sick, I've had a wonderful week! I spent a lot of time with Dalton as per usual and as I took care of him when he was sick last week, he sort of did this same for me this week. LOL Before we all got sick, I drove around town quite a bit running errands, so I actually put makeup on which is a rarity these days. Something I've realized is, I feel so, so much more confident with makeup on. I'm not trying to hide anything (if you watch my vlogs, you'll know I'm very comfortable makeup free), but having makeup on just gives a boost of self confidence; it adds a bit of a pep in my step.

FYI the septum is fake 😜

One benefit of being sick with my parents is that I spent a lot of time with my mom; we caught up on the current season of Criminal Minds because we were mega behind and still sort of are, but we're getting there. I really do enjoy spending time with my mom; we've both been showing an insane amount of gratitude towards each other this week. She sincerely thanked me many, many times for taking care of the house since she's been a bit out of commission the past several months so to speak. I've been trying to show appreciation in every way possible to all of my loved ones, especially my mom. I mentioned last week that, through my buddhist practice, I want to become a more appreciative, compassionate person and I feel I'm making progress. I've been chanting every day which is a huge step for me. 

As far as my recovery from my eating disorders and trying to get healthy, I'm making small steps. I got a sponsor in my program that I'm part of and she's meant to help me with meal planning and staying abstinent from foods that I binge on and from purging. I have hope that I can do this and become a healthy person. 

It's been a good week, not too eventful, but good and that's all I can ask for. I'm grateful for what and  who I have today in my life and I am determined to further enrich my life. I hope you're all doing well! Ta for now!

Off to a Good Start

Hello, my lovely fellow internet "kids" (let's face it, we're all internet kids at heart LOL)! We're into the second week of 2016 and I'm hoping you're all having a fabulous new year! I've taken a bit of a two-ish month hiatus for no specific reason, but I'm back and ready to keep this darn thing updated! Stay along for the ride if you'd like!

Let's have a bit of a catch up, shall we? I spent my New Year's Eve at one of my best friend's houses where I met several of his lovely friends; Dalton was my wingman for the night and although I didn't get a midnight kiss, I did plant a perfect Nars Cruella stained kiss on Dalton's cheek. :) One of the best parts of the night was the clock hitting midnight and going around the room giving and receiving hugs from people I had just met that night all saying Happy New Year to each other. This is the first year in quite a while that I've spent with more than two or three people and the energy is just so different. There's an excitement in the room for the possibilities of the new year and the energy passed along from person to person. There were two people in particular that night who took quite a liking to me and they were throwing compliments my way for the majority of the night. They liked me for me and I was reminded that I'm quite a likable person with good conversational skills which is something I often forget. I'm not trying to toot my own horn here, but it is nice and necessary to give ourselves a pat on the back once in a while for just being ourselves.

And with that, I'll lead into something I've been learning in therapy. Since the beginning of the year, I've been part of an intensive outpatient program to help me learn coping skills and proper tools to deal with my anxiety, depression, and addiction. The most important thing I've taken away from the program so far is that I need to start caring for myself. Now this may sound simple, but it's something that I've never been good at. I've spent years either taking care of others or just completely neglecting myself which, along with other things, has left me being an extremely self-critical and anxious person. Some ways I'm trying to change my behavior involve something called the self-soothing technique; this is a technique where you take some time out of your day, even a few minutes, to do something for yourself. This can be anything that feeds your spirit and soul; for example, for me, I listen to my favorite album (American Candy by The Maine) some time throughout the day or I'll take 10 minutes before bed to sit with my breath and clear my mind.

Another tool that one of my therapists said would be key for me is replacing my self-critical talk with gentle words and tone. He used the example of thinking to yourself, what and how would you talk to your little niece or nephew. The answer can be different from person to person, but I would talk to my niece or nephew in a gentle, encouraging, and loving voice. I tried this technique yesterday afternoon when I got home from treatment and I could feel anxiety and self-blame boiling up in me for something that I logically knew wasn't a big deal. So I recognized that my thoughts were being overly critical of the situation and I stopped myself and instead began talking myself down by saying "It's ok, no one is mad at you, it was a miscommunication and you know for next time to let everyone know what is going on. No one blames, you're ok, it's over and done with." As soon as I told myself this, I felt the anxiety start to die down; it was incredible! I had never been able to talk myself down like that before!

What I explained above is called the Three C's technique; Catch it. Check it. Change it. This means to identify the thoughts, stop them, and replace them with something different whether that is doing a healthy behavior instead of spiraling into panic or, in my case, giving myself gentle self-talk. I know I just threw a lot of therapy mumbo jumbo at you just now, but these are just things that I'm learning are truly helping me to change my self-concept and therefore everything else in my life. If anything here was unclear or if you have any questions, please do leave a comment below or contact me at any of my social media. :)

I feel very positive and determined about this new year. A lot of things are going to change in my life, for better or worse, but I'm learning how to cope and I feel proud of that. Thanks for reading my rambly update and I hope you continue to read along with the rest of the psychobabble I'll be posting for the rest of this year. Great things are coming to this blog, get excited! ;)

All the best. xx

Thought I'd throw in some photos for LOLs. This is me! :)

#WorldMentalHealthDay

Hello everyone! Today is World Mental Health Day and I was actually unaware of this until I saw Zoe Sugg's tweet and it got me thinking I'd like to talk about mental health today. I was going to film a quick video, but as I'd like to use this space a bit more, I thought a blog post would be perfect!

I've talked about mental health related topics quite often within my life so I'll make this as quick as possible. LOL I think mental health issues are growing more and more common among people and it's easy to forget that everyone is fighting their own battle. Recently, I've had to remind myself frequently that every person's motivations and intentions can be greatly affected by their mental health. That being said, let's be kind and patient with each other. :)

Something else I'm realizing over the past week is that it's extremely easy to let people around us rule our emotions, but we shouldn't give them that kind of power. We are the ruler of our own minds and emotions and we have to be strong enough to tell ourselves, "They're going to do what they want because it's their life and I've got to do what's best for me." By that I mean, if their's someone in your life who you feel is draining you mentally or physically, it's ok to take a step back and say you need space or a break. Be gentle with yourself and love yourself enough to accept that someone might be toxic and you've got to let them go. 

Lastly, I just want to add some tips to deal with anxiety or stress that I'm finding are very helpful recently. I'd also like to add that I am fully aware there are many more forms of mental illness besides anxiety and depression, these are just what I can personally speak on. :) First of all, MUSIC. I cannot stress enough how incredibly therapeutic music can be, whether that's indie, rock, hip hop, EDM, any kind of music that you love can do a great deal of good to your beautiful mind. For me, hip hop and dance-y music can make me feel like a bad ass and super confident and rock/pop/indie just melodically and lyrically soothe my soul. I also find spending time with my loved ones who are good influences in my life really helps. Even just a five minute chat can lift your mood immensely. Last but not least, going for a walk and getting fresh air can clear your mind of any negativity and help you to put things into perspective. 

These are all tips that I myself am trying to implement into my life daily as well and I'm hoping some of these will help someone out there too. I've said it before and I'll say it again, if anyone reading this needs someone to talk to, I'm always here to listen. I truly hope you're all well! All the love. xx