Off to a Good Start

Hello, my lovely fellow internet "kids" (let's face it, we're all internet kids at heart LOL)! We're into the second week of 2016 and I'm hoping you're all having a fabulous new year! I've taken a bit of a two-ish month hiatus for no specific reason, but I'm back and ready to keep this darn thing updated! Stay along for the ride if you'd like!

Let's have a bit of a catch up, shall we? I spent my New Year's Eve at one of my best friend's houses where I met several of his lovely friends; Dalton was my wingman for the night and although I didn't get a midnight kiss, I did plant a perfect Nars Cruella stained kiss on Dalton's cheek. :) One of the best parts of the night was the clock hitting midnight and going around the room giving and receiving hugs from people I had just met that night all saying Happy New Year to each other. This is the first year in quite a while that I've spent with more than two or three people and the energy is just so different. There's an excitement in the room for the possibilities of the new year and the energy passed along from person to person. There were two people in particular that night who took quite a liking to me and they were throwing compliments my way for the majority of the night. They liked me for me and I was reminded that I'm quite a likable person with good conversational skills which is something I often forget. I'm not trying to toot my own horn here, but it is nice and necessary to give ourselves a pat on the back once in a while for just being ourselves.

And with that, I'll lead into something I've been learning in therapy. Since the beginning of the year, I've been part of an intensive outpatient program to help me learn coping skills and proper tools to deal with my anxiety, depression, and addiction. The most important thing I've taken away from the program so far is that I need to start caring for myself. Now this may sound simple, but it's something that I've never been good at. I've spent years either taking care of others or just completely neglecting myself which, along with other things, has left me being an extremely self-critical and anxious person. Some ways I'm trying to change my behavior involve something called the self-soothing technique; this is a technique where you take some time out of your day, even a few minutes, to do something for yourself. This can be anything that feeds your spirit and soul; for example, for me, I listen to my favorite album (American Candy by The Maine) some time throughout the day or I'll take 10 minutes before bed to sit with my breath and clear my mind.

Another tool that one of my therapists said would be key for me is replacing my self-critical talk with gentle words and tone. He used the example of thinking to yourself, what and how would you talk to your little niece or nephew. The answer can be different from person to person, but I would talk to my niece or nephew in a gentle, encouraging, and loving voice. I tried this technique yesterday afternoon when I got home from treatment and I could feel anxiety and self-blame boiling up in me for something that I logically knew wasn't a big deal. So I recognized that my thoughts were being overly critical of the situation and I stopped myself and instead began talking myself down by saying "It's ok, no one is mad at you, it was a miscommunication and you know for next time to let everyone know what is going on. No one blames, you're ok, it's over and done with." As soon as I told myself this, I felt the anxiety start to die down; it was incredible! I had never been able to talk myself down like that before!

What I explained above is called the Three C's technique; Catch it. Check it. Change it. This means to identify the thoughts, stop them, and replace them with something different whether that is doing a healthy behavior instead of spiraling into panic or, in my case, giving myself gentle self-talk. I know I just threw a lot of therapy mumbo jumbo at you just now, but these are just things that I'm learning are truly helping me to change my self-concept and therefore everything else in my life. If anything here was unclear or if you have any questions, please do leave a comment below or contact me at any of my social media. :)

I feel very positive and determined about this new year. A lot of things are going to change in my life, for better or worse, but I'm learning how to cope and I feel proud of that. Thanks for reading my rambly update and I hope you continue to read along with the rest of the psychobabble I'll be posting for the rest of this year. Great things are coming to this blog, get excited! ;)

All the best. xx

Thought I'd throw in some photos for LOLs. This is me! :)

#WorldMentalHealthDay

Hello everyone! Today is World Mental Health Day and I was actually unaware of this until I saw Zoe Sugg's tweet and it got me thinking I'd like to talk about mental health today. I was going to film a quick video, but as I'd like to use this space a bit more, I thought a blog post would be perfect!

I've talked about mental health related topics quite often within my life so I'll make this as quick as possible. LOL I think mental health issues are growing more and more common among people and it's easy to forget that everyone is fighting their own battle. Recently, I've had to remind myself frequently that every person's motivations and intentions can be greatly affected by their mental health. That being said, let's be kind and patient with each other. :)

Something else I'm realizing over the past week is that it's extremely easy to let people around us rule our emotions, but we shouldn't give them that kind of power. We are the ruler of our own minds and emotions and we have to be strong enough to tell ourselves, "They're going to do what they want because it's their life and I've got to do what's best for me." By that I mean, if their's someone in your life who you feel is draining you mentally or physically, it's ok to take a step back and say you need space or a break. Be gentle with yourself and love yourself enough to accept that someone might be toxic and you've got to let them go. 

Lastly, I just want to add some tips to deal with anxiety or stress that I'm finding are very helpful recently. I'd also like to add that I am fully aware there are many more forms of mental illness besides anxiety and depression, these are just what I can personally speak on. :) First of all, MUSIC. I cannot stress enough how incredibly therapeutic music can be, whether that's indie, rock, hip hop, EDM, any kind of music that you love can do a great deal of good to your beautiful mind. For me, hip hop and dance-y music can make me feel like a bad ass and super confident and rock/pop/indie just melodically and lyrically soothe my soul. I also find spending time with my loved ones who are good influences in my life really helps. Even just a five minute chat can lift your mood immensely. Last but not least, going for a walk and getting fresh air can clear your mind of any negativity and help you to put things into perspective. 

These are all tips that I myself am trying to implement into my life daily as well and I'm hoping some of these will help someone out there too. I've said it before and I'll say it again, if anyone reading this needs someone to talk to, I'm always here to listen. I truly hope you're all well! All the love. xx

It's been 84 years...

Hello lovely reader, I've not written properly on this blog in ages! This is something I seem to do quite often; I'll come back, talk about how I've been gone for quite some time, say I'll be writing again and then I disappear. Again. It's quite a shame, really, because I genuinely enjoy writing this blog, no matter if it's about beauty, life, anxiety, etc; I just love it. This is not the only place I've neglected writing, I no longer write in my journal anymore either. Shock horror! 😨

I'll be honest, as I always am (if not, a bit too honest at times), my anxiety has been so terrible, the past few months, in particular that I spend all my free hours outside of work and school watching YouTube videos. I haven't been able to tear myself away from a screen for fear of any terrible thoughts or feelings that might come. Because of this, I haven't really written anything anywhere, I haven't read or listened to any books, I barely go out, it's all bad. It's also the complete opposite of the list of things I wrote at the beginning of the year that I wanted to do.

However, it's only the beginning, but the past few days have been pretty damn good! I'll tell you why. :) I went to see the band, The Maine this past Friday and the lead singer (John O'Callaghan) said something that has stuck with me and I think always will. He said something along the lines of "Get off the internet, off YouTube, off your phones and go outside. Human interaction is awesome! And enjoy the sun and being outside; look we're all outside right now having a good time." It's been a few days so I did have to piece that together how I remember it in my head, so its definitely not 100% accurate. LOL For months, Dalton (my best friend, if you remember) and my mom have said things very similar to that, but John's words were the final push I needed to get out of my rut.

I'm not entirely out of my rut, but I feel like I'm slowly, but surely getting out. I feel hope again. I still haven't spent much time outside, but I've been pushing myself to exude more positivity and strength. I'm also trying to do more things besides watching YouTube vides; things like actually doing my homework, chanting (part of my new Buddhist practice), and spending more time with my mom. I owe a lot to The Maine. I've been a fan of theirs since I was 15 and they're a huge part of my life and sanity. They are an incredible band and if you're into groovy, rock, indie type music with truly inspiring lyrics, you should really check them out!

24 Floors - The Maine
Photo courtesy of wehearit

I do hope that I'll stay writing on this blog more frequently from here on out, as it could be an incredible outlet for me and I do just love the blogging community. :) I think that's all for now so I will talk to you all again very soon! xx

Health and Wellness?

I struggle with anxiety and depression and I have since I was about 14. When I turned 18, I started dabbling with drugs and before I knew it, two years of my life had passed where I was numbed out to any real emotions so getting clean felt like getting hit by a train of emotions, good and bad. The past month or so I've been having quite a hard time with my depression due to certain circumstances and I've been leaning on my mom and my sister a lot more the past week. Up until a week ago, I had just been bottling things and let me tell you, that is definitely not a good way of handling things. Someone very close to my heart recently started experiencing anxiety and depression which, for her, is completely new territory because she's always been the strongest and the rock of her family. One night, she asked me what I do to deal with it and I honestly didn't know what to say. I realized that I had been just pushing everything aside and ignoring them and realized I need to start facing life head on again. I've been talking to my family a lot more and I'm trying to hang out with more of my friends again. I obviously see Dalton which is great and all, but I think I need to start seeing my other friends as well as much as possible, especially because Dalt hasn't been here nearly as much. I enjoy the alone time, but I'm pretty sure I need to start getting out into the world again.

Next on my agenda, is nutrition. My lifestyle is very, very unhealthy. I eat crap food (and a lot of it) and I pretty much never do any form of activity besides walking home from school. I've struggled with my weight for years and years and years and tried to lose weight in many different ways, but this time around, I'm just going to try and lose weight not to be skinny, but just to be healthier. I found a dance studio by my house that I'm going to look into and as soon as the community gym is done being renovated, I'll be going there a lot more. Joey Graceffa is pretty much the one who inspired me to start eating healthier, what with his green smoothies and chicken and brown rice. Lol I'll be eating pretty much exactly like Joey from now on just because I think that'll be a great way to start feeling better, mentally and physically.

This post is a bit random, but I did say that I'd do a slightly more detailed post about my newest nutrition regime and also thought I'd throw in a little personal touch about my life. :) Also, if anyone out there is struggling with depression or anxiety or anything, feel free to comment on this post and we'll talk because people should always have someone to talk to. <3