New Friends

Hello beautiful people! So my Sunday posts have basically been extremely early Monday morning posts so far. :P Basically I'm changing this to Sunday/Monday posts from now on, hopefully there's a few night owls out there who will see this. Lol Recently I've been getting to know two new friends, Ashton and Aleya, and it's been really awesome making new friends and making connections with people again! It's been so long since I've met anyone new and started forming a relationship with them so it's been so nice being with these two. It's amazing getting to hear their stories of their lives and their struggles and how they've come out of it.

Honestly, meeting Ashton and hearing a bit of what he's gone through has really brought out my old school "mama" side. I don't know if I've ever shared this with all of you, but a few years ago my "role" in my group of friends was the mother figure who took care of everyone and made sure they were safe and well fed and loved and that's how I ended up receiving the nickname "mama" for a few years. Everyone kind of started going their own way and started growing up a bit so my mama role was less needed and I started taking care of myself more. It's good to take care of myself and all, but I kind of miss taking care of people. Not to say that Ashton needs taking care of, but he does need a good friend, I think, and it's nice building that relationship with him and with Aleya as well!

Bit of a short random post tonight, but what's new? I hope you're all well! Xx

Going Overboard

I realize it's not Sunday, but I did say I'd just be writing as I felt like it as well as Sundays. I just want to get some thoughts out honestly. The past two days have felt very odd entering back into the realm of the living, so to speak...this past week feels like an entire month of my life because of the people I was with and the things I was doing. I tend to go overboard with things sometimes, but I'm glad I caught myself and came back to reality. Time to (slowly) take steps to getting back on track. I say slowly because if I were to say "Crap! I need to do this, this, this, this...." and so on and so forth, I would get so incredibly overwhelmed and end up trying to escape again. By just doing, little things at a time and starting to take care of myself mentally and physically again, I think I'll start to feel better and head in the right direction.

That's all for now, I suppose. :) I hope you all have a fun and safe weekend! Xx

PS - Go download Troye Sivan's new single "Happy Little Pill" and pre-order his EP "TRXYE" on iTunes! "Happy Little Pill" has literally been on repeat since about 2am last night! :) So proud of you Troye!

#TRXYE

Late Night Chat

Hello, hello, hello! Here I am on our second Sunday night post (which is technically Monday morning since it is currently 1 am, but let's just ignore that detail :P) and honestly, I'm at a loss for words. I haven't done much at all since I last spoke to all of you; I mainly just stayed home. Ooo! I did go to me friend, Kyle's, rap show this past Wednesday! Kyle is my friend who was on leave from the army last year that some of you may remember me mentioning, but he was back again and back at his rap game so I went to see him. He was awesome and even better than last time, I must say! If you'd like to check out his music, check him out on his Soundcloud page! It was a fun little night, Dalton was there and a few people from back in my high school days and I also made some new friends that night! Now, whether or not said friends are going to be good influences on me is yet to be decided, but the point is I made new friends! Lol I've become such a homebody/anti-social hermit ever since I got clean last year that being in a big crowd around people that I don't know at all really gets my anxiety going. The night went well, though, all things considered. Also, Dalton came and hung out for a few days which was really nice. A little thing happened involving him that upset me the night of Kyle's show, so it was good to see him and remind myself why I love him so much...only joking, I always love him no matter what happens! We did have a lot of fun together, I must say, and we actually FINALLY filmed a proper video together and it will be going up on my channel this Wednesday! Please, please go check out my channel, I think this week's vid will make you smile! :)

Like I said, I mainly stayed home and this is because I only worked ONE DAY last week. ONE DAY! I need more hours than that! :( Ugh, so frustrating. I'm actually going to be applying for a second job tomorrow and doing many other things. A lot of life changes ahead this year. Some things will take longer than others, but I'm pretty dang positive that by this time next year, my life will have gone through some big changes. I will be happy to share those changes with all of you as they come and I hope you all have a beautiful week!

Here's a random selfie from when I went to see me friend last weekend! XD

A Rambly Reality Check

Hello lovelies! Oh look, I'm actually posting something besides the 2014 Blogger Challenge! It's a miracle! Lol So this post is going to be a bit all over the place, I'll be honest. There are two things that I absolutely want to talk about and they don't exactly have to do with each other, but here they are: blogging and *dun dun dun* my weight.

I'll start with blogging. As some of you may know, I have not been very active on this blog which does make me sad because when I started this blog, I had the complete intention of writing on it all the time about what I've been doing, what I've been loving, etc. However somewhere along the way, my blog has completely taken a backseat to everything else in my life. I really want that to change. I know I've said "Oh I promise I'll be on here more" before, but this time, I really do want to make the effort. I've been thinking it for a few weeks now, but what has really brought it home is going through my oldest blog posts. Tonight I was reading all my earliest blog posts and it really made me miss blogging; I used to do it quite a lot! Recently I've been quite focused on my YouTube channel which I've been uploading on every Wednesday and I think a great way to make sure I blog more often is to set a designated day for me to post. Of course, I'll be trying to post as I feel like it on a day to day basis, but I think telling myself Sunday is the day I write on my blog will solidify more of a habit for because I really do love it, but just sometimes forget. Phew! That seemed like quite a ramble. Lol The point is I miss blogging so much and I'm going to be posting more often no matter aaaand I will be posting SOMETHING, whether it be beauty or life-y, every Sunday! Hopefully those of you who read my blog will enjoy my life's journey with me. :P

Right, secondly I'd like to discuss my weight. As I was saying above, I was going through old blog posts, some of which included photos of me and looking at those photos from literally less than a year ago, I can see such a huge difference in my face. I've been overweight since a very young age so I've never been skinny, but typically I'll look at photos from when I was 16 and think "Oh, I was a lot smaller then." To my surprise, though, even just looking at the photos from last September, I find myself saying that same thing. Weight has always, always been a struggle for me. I think the first time I tried losing weight was when I was 13 and it was going well for a while until I developed a bit of an eating disorder which has been a struggle on and off since. I tried losing weight a few different times throughout my teen years through portion control, weight loss agencies, exercise, the lot, and they always work for a little while, but then I fall off the wagon. I'm going to be very real with you all right now and say that since I was 16 years old when I was already overweight, I've gained 100 lbs more. Most people don't even gain that much weight in their lifetime apart from just growing up.

The past few months, I've started seeing a therapist who specializes in eating disorders and a dietian, but I'm still having quite a difficult time with it all. I'm glad to say my bulimia and binge eating disorder haven't been a problem, but I'm still not eating as healthily as I'd like to. I'm pretty sure I'm not gaining weight, but I'm not losing any either. I'm sure the obvious answer for most people (and probably myself as well) is start eating smaller portions of healthier foods and exercise and yes, it is that simple, but somehow I can't seem to do it. I don't know...I've got other things to worry about as well, but I'm afraid that if I keep putting my weight on the back burner, within another 5 years or less, I'll be even bigger with dangerous health issues. I've been debating having a procedure done to help, but I don't know, honestly. It won't be lypo or anything like that, but still.

Sorry about that, that was probably the most rambly thing I've ever written on the internet, but it's late and I'm just treating this as a bit of a journal of sorts at the moment. Don't be surprised to see more rambly posts in the future as my blog may be undergoing some changes as I get more active with it. To end, this random little post here are some photos of me from the past month or so when I've had a little play around with different makeup looks and products. Hope you're all doing well! Nighty night. Xx

Alright so I had absolutely no makeup on besides my eyes and yes, these are essentially selfies in my bathroom. Lol

Summer Bucket List | 2014 Blogger Challenge

I know, I know, I'm several days late on this post, but here it is anyway. :P I thought this was an interesting topic because its not something I've really thought about because I'm very much the type of person that will just spend the day doing literally nothing if I've got nothing that NEEDS to be done. So having to sit down and really think about what I want to do with my time this summer was really quite cool. :)

1. Work at my new job as much as possible!
2. Save up a good amount of money
3. Go to a concert
4. Go to Six Flags
5. Read at least 5 books
6. Take the time to address my anxiety and other issues I've been having lately
7. Get my creative juices flowing whether that be through writing or youtube or what have you
8. Spend quality time with friends I don't see often!
9. Take a train ride somewhere and explore :)
10. Smile and be mindful

There's loads more I'd love to do, but I figured I'd limit it to 10. The last one is one that is very important to me because as of lately, I've been so stressed out and anxious about a few different things going on and I just would really like to try and be positive and more mindful. Hope you're all well and sorry again for the delay on this one! Xx